My Little Worrying Island

As we get our paperwork together, and begin to outline our plans for the move to Japan, I am becoming increasingly uneasy about the struggles that I know we as a family (and myself as an individual) will have to overcome. I’m comforted by the knowledge that my husband is extremely supportive, and has already gone through the whole moving-to-a-different-country thing before. He’s being very honest with me, explaining the things I will, most likely, be going through at one time or another. Whether it be frustration due to language barriers, loneliness, or just regular homesick feelings, he’s giving me plenty of warning. I appreciate that.

However one thing I’m worried about recently is whether or not I will be accepted as one of the “moms” or not in the community. Here in Canada, I don’t really have any close friends that have kids. I had Suzuna when I was 22, and none of my friends were (and still aren’t) married or with kids yet. I took to social media to find playdates for Suzu, but in the end those friendships are more for the kids’ sakes, as I don’t really “click” with any of the moms I meet here.

Last weekend we attended a sports day for the kid’s Japanese school in the city. There were around 30 or so families there, and I was the only Canadian mom—all the dads were Canadian, and the moms Japanese. Many of these women I’ve known for years as acquaintances, and some I’ve never met. For the majority of the afternoon, I was ignored or treated with kid gloves. The conversations were all in Japanese, and though I was responding to everything everyone said, no one directed anything at me—only at my husband. “Is your wife pregnant? How far along?”, “How old is Suzuna?”, “Where is your wife working now?”. All these questions were for me, yet directed at my husband. I admit, I was quite frustrated.

I kept on thinking, “is this how it’s going to be in Japan?”. Am I going to be the foreign mom who everyone tiptoes around, saying how cute my daughter is, but never strikes up a conversation? I know the times we have been in Japan, and have been at parties or gatherings with my husband’s friends, all the moms are so weary of me, like they just don’t know what to do or say.

I’m really not sure how to break through that barrier, but I have the feeling that I’m going to have to be the one to do it. I’m really introverted, so striking up a conversation is not easy for me…but! I’m willing to try! I will have to, for my own sanity.

I’m happy to know that I have fellow mommy friends in Japan who are also foreigners, and I will definitely make the effort to travel every so-often to visit with them. But, living in the countryside, I know I will have to make my own way—I can’t be babied by my husband, and I have to be strong for my kids.

Anyone have any tips?